I love surprises; I really do. I tell waitstaff sometimes to just bring me whatever- to surprise me…. sometimes they do, but most of the time they are reticent.
I guess I would be, too. It is odd, though, after I have assured them that either option is fine, and I won’t get mad, that they still refuse. It’s such a kill joy. I used to wonder if my “inability” to make certain decisions was seriously indecisiveness, or lack of will. The desire to be surprised is strong with this one.
I will find myself daydreaming that my friends are creating some sort of party or such, when they happen to asked pointedly about my plans for the next day, or the weekend. Mild paranoia marked some of my childhood all the way into the college years…I now see that I was on the lookout for something extraordinary, built upon secrets.
I visited my grandmother this weekend. It almost rained. It NEVER rains on her land (maybe once every 2 years there’s a good rain. Mostly it’s just sprinkles.). As I wandered around in the cool air, praying for the clouds to join forces and blow in our direction, I wondered at my grandmother’s refusal to hope, her fear.
I thought about what in that has been passed down. I push against fear and doubt when I can see or feel it clearly, but it is still allowed at times- like when I have beat at the sky, demanding for God to reveal my path- show me what you want from me! Show me the next step, so I can start moving that direction!
As the tiny sprinkles polka-dotted the red dirt, God opened my mind- I love surprises! I can rest knowing God wants to surprise me! He wants to be the recipient of my complete joy, when I am taken back by his provision and planning 🙂 ….Even when the things that aren’t pleasant, or downright bad come along, I know I can rest because He has SEEN and SAID YES TO everything that comes my way, as his child.
I’ve still been praying for my future, but those prayers have a different color and shape as of late.
Fear shackles us from the joy and excitement of surprises.
The unexpected and unplanned for scares my grandmother, therefore she worries. About everything. When I left, she thanked me for coming, and mentioned that it helped get her mind off things she was worried about!
Fear shackles us from hope and rest.
When Harvey had not yet hit, and I knew all my immediate family were for sure staying put in Corpus, I had a thought that they could all die. And my spirit mulled that over with God for about a minute…”so I would be orphaned and alone…” [God] “not orphaned OR alone.” [me]”okay.” peace.
“Therefore, since we have been justified though faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”